January 31 - “Stabbed in the back”

I guess yesterday was my doc day. I started out with a physical therapy check-in appointment. She did her assessment, said my flexibility and strength quotients were off the charts better, cut me loose, and said, “I hope the pain shot works for you.”  PT … Out.

 

After some lunch we headed out to my appointment for a pain relief shot in my back. That was one I have been waiting for for a very long time. Years, even. And for a pain relief shot … it sure hurt. Not sure how much of it I was supposed to feel, but there was no doubt someone was poking around in my back. But I get ahead of myself.

 

They parked us in the holding tank so I could take off my clothes and put on the fabled hospital gown. They did let me keep my underwear. And apparently that gown didn’t completely do its job. As I left to walk into the procedure room, Chris yelled for me to cover up in the rear. I replied, “Aw, it’s nothing they haven’t seen before.”  The nods and chuckles of the two nurses behind me seemed to indicate that it was indeed a true statement.

 

Oh, ahead of myself again. While we waited for my turn, we were blessed to experience a mini-birthday celebration at the nurse’s desk. We heard them sing “Happy Birthday to You,” “Feliz Cumpleanos,” and even “Feliz Navidad.”  It took them numerous tries, but they finally all got together for one good “Happy Birthday to You.” And when they finished, I did what any self-respecting patient desiring quality service would do. I gave them a rousing round of applause. Guess they heard me.  Lots of laughter followed.

 

And then to the procedure. It started out difficult. I had to lay on my stomach with my head to the side. I haven’t been able to do that in years. A pillow under my stomach helped a fraction. And then they told me to relax. Right.

 

I could tell when they were sticking on the drape things, and of course when they touched the places they wanted the x-ray machine to center on. That thing was humming the whole time. Didn’t mind it, though. That just assured me they would stay on track.

 

The next move was the numbing shots. Like getting stabbed with a needle over and over. I did understand, though, that they were numbing for shots into two separate vertebrae.

 

The first one went fairly smoothly. It was that second one, lower down, that gave them some trouble. We found out later that it was a really tight spot they had to get to. Whatever they were doing … it hurt. Felt like I was getting stabbed in the back again, but this time with a large knife. I even involuntarily jumped three or four times. Once I jumped and the doc asked, “Are you OK?” I said, “OK. It just hurts.” He then made the query of the millennium. “Where does it hurt?” I answered, perhaps a bit too quickly, “Umm. My back.”  After the third such interchange, he did explain that he just wanted to make sure the pain wasn’t going down my leg.” 

 

Finally, he said, “The medicine is about to go in, so you might feel some pressure.  Let me know if it is too painful.” Wait. What?  We’ve been in here at least half an hour. What have you been doing back there?  I did feel some pretty intense pressure on my spine, but after what I had just been through, that was a piece of cake.

 

Finally, they declared the procedure complete. I didn’t believe them, though, until I saw the cute little nurse at my head. She was pretty concerned that I was white as the sheet, so she told me to take it easy. She asked if the pain was from the procedure or from the position I had been in the whole time. At this point it was position, all the way. I had been clenching the table so tight that it took me a long time to relax again. I must have looked bad, because Cute Nurse asked me a few times if I wanted a wheelchair. I finally said I would be OK if I could just have a few minutes. When the doc asked, though, I felt like I might be imposing on their table time, so I said, “Let’s go.”  That sweet nurse wasn’t completely convinced, though. She had me return to the holding tank bed and rest a while longer.

 

The doc was well-pleased with the procedure. A different nurse came in and said to give it a good week to decide if it worked or not. She said it might feel good for a day or two, then hurt again for a day or two, but after a week, I should be able to notice a difference. Take it easy for a day or two.  No lifting. Come see the nurse practitioner in a month to follow up.

 

Oh, and she also read a list of possible reactions that may occur: trouble sleeping, hot flashes, flushed skin, elevated blood pressure. I immediately blurted out, “But I already had all those things!”  And … again with the laughter from the birthday party crowd.

 

On our way out of that ward, I slowed down just enough at the nurses’ station to sing them a rousing rendition of my own … “Happy Birthday to You,” of course. The birthday girl was on the phone, but as the others laughed and pointed her out, she acknowledged my verbal gift to her with an embarrassed wave. Way better day than she expected, I’m certain of that.

 

So … Chris’ turn again today. She’s having her second cataract surgery (The other eye, of course).  Hey, look at it this way, Babe. You only have two of those things, so you’re almost done.

 

Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

 

Father, thank you for being in that room with me. Don’t think I could have lasted without you. And my prayer for Chris today? The same one I lifted yesterday. Please be with the doc. Steady hands and good aim would be really nice. Amen.