February 22 – “Now, my Dad …”

Now my Dad was always known as a quiet sort, and as I understand it, that wasn’t so much the case in high school.  He was, after all, a cheerleader at Kirwin (Now O’Connell).  Some of the colloquialisms he came out with were the same as those from Mom’s family, but he had his own set of old sayings that differed a bit from those Mom brought to the table.  A few of them probably harkened back to those wilder high school days.  And maybe he picked some of them up during his stint in the Coast Guard.  Or maybe I never got to hear the ones he picked up during that particular phase of his life.  Probably best.  Can’t be unduly influencing those youngsters. 

"he's a quart low" – Dad was always concerned about the oil level in our cars.  He would invariably wait until we were all packed and ready to leave, and he would insist that we “pop the hood” and let him check the oil level.  Of course that was just the basis for the comment, since it was used to indicate the intellectual capacity, or lack thereof, of any individual who did something deemed a little off or foolish.

"slick as a whistle" – This one was said, not so much just when something went well, but more when some sleight of hand or trickery had been afoot that directly contributed to the success of the endeavor. 

"crazy as a loon" – Dad shortened this one to “looney,” as in “he belongs in the looney bin.”  We did live on an Island, but I can’t say I ever saw a duck doing anything particularly crazy looking.  Now a pelican making a dive … maybe.

"low man on the totem pole" – This one was often a reference to the newest hire on the Houston Pilots boat my Dad worked on.  This poor guy had to do all the worst chores, kind of like the rookies in the fire department.

"workin' like a dog" – I personally never had a dog that did much work of any kind, unless you include Queenie, our Boston Terrier who could clamp down on a rubber inner tube from a bicycle tire and hang on for dear life while she was swung around and around in circles until her feet left the ground.  Not work in the truest sense of the word, I guess, but that couldn’t have been easy.  Maybe this one comes from the sled dogs in Alaska or something.

"ants in your pants" – Now I heard this one as a kid … a lot … because, well, I couldn’t sit still.  I was always squirming around or moving in some way or another.  The imagery is a vivid one.  One that I am not interested to undertake in real life.  We have too many fire ants on the Island. 

"dead as a doornail" – There’s that classic one.  In fact most of the time what we heard was closer to “deader’n a doornail.”  Still don’t get how a doornail is any more dead than, say a window screw. 
"filthy rich" and "dirt poor" – These always fascinated me.  I mean, think about it.  Both ends of the spectrum somehow always needed to take a bath.  Did that mean us lower middle class folks were the only clean ones in town?

"take a long walk off a short pier" – Now don’t get me wrong on this one.  I can honestly say I never heard my Dad say anything like this in anger or bitterness toward anyone else.  When he did use it, it was always in a situation of jesting, and always really funny when he said it. 
"better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick" – Ouch.  And I remember always thinking the same thing … ouch.  Probably never got past the imagined pain to understanding the implications in the saying.  “Better than nothing” certainly worked better for communication to my warped little brain.  But once the stick in the eye image came out, I was lost in my imagination, dreaming of what that might feel like.  How would it be different if it was a sharp stick?  Or perhaps just a needle?  Or maybe … well, you get the idea.

And now for my personal favorite of all time from my Dad.  It comes from one of those weird memories that for some reason became seared in my memory when I was quite young.  I know I didn’t understand it at the time.  In fact I remember having to ask Mom what it meant.  Didn’t get much of an answer from her, as I recall.  The story behind it goes like this.  We were on our way back to Galveston from one of our journeys to Spring to see relatives.  We stopped at that old famous drive-in restaurant that used to be in Houston (sorry, I just can’t remember the name of it).  It was one of those that would bring your food on a tray that hooked onto your rolled-down car window.  The waitress came over and took our order.  And as she walked away, my Dad commented, “Look at the chassis (pronounced chassie, of course) on that lassie.”  Anybody have any idea what he could have been talking about?

Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Father, thank you again for memories and for the legacy of laughter from my Dad.  Amen.