February 26 – “Hey, Kel. Happy birthday”

That would be about 38, wouldn’t it?  Man, you’re getting old.  Must be tough to have such a young, spry, wild man for a father, huh?  At least you have those three awesome boys to keep you on your toes while you go about spoiling that sweet little girl.  It’s good to know she has someone else wrapped around that little finger on her other hand.  I’m keeping my side occupied just fine.  Love you, my son.

Now, I know this whole colloquialism thing is getting old for everyone, but I do have one more set that I want to share.  These are ones that I don’t remember hearing as a kid, but I sure wish’t I hadda:

“He’s as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.”  Great imagery.  I actually tried to reach around and see what that would be like.  Pretty much worthless.  It fits.

"Stump water."  First time I heard that I had absolutely no idea what it meant.  Do you?  It is actually a reference to weak coffee.  I guess when water sits for a long time in a low spot on a stump it starts to take on the color of the tree sap … light brown.  I never saw many tree stumps in Galveston, and when I did, we always made sure to sweep out any excess water.  That’s nothing but a perfect breeding ground for mosquitoes.

And what do you say when someone asks, “How ya doin’”?  Now I know it’s easy to just say “Fine” and be done with it.  But what about those days when you really do feel good, ready to take on the world?  How about this one? 

How ya doing’?  "If I had a tail, it'd be waggin'."

And if your day has not been so great, and you are at least getting to the end of it …

How ya doin’?  “Oh, I'm circlin' the drain." 

Then there are those times when you meet someone and they think you look familiar.  Try, “We've howdied but we ain't shook yet,” to communicate: “We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced.”

Could you really use some rain in your area?  Put it this way: “It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs.”

Know someone who is not exactly useful in whatever task he has been thrust into?  I guess he would be “so useless if he had a third hand he would need another pocket to put it in.”  That one’s kind of confusing to me.  I guess the idea is all his other pockets are occupied with hands stuffed in them already, since he isn’t doing anything.  Ouch.

And from the country again I really like the imagery of someone who looks really tired and worn down.  Like I usually do on Sunday afternoons, or like Nathan does after a particularly rough shift at work.  “You look like you been drug through a knot hole backwards.”  That’s a pretty bad day.

And my final all-time favorite that I have never had occasion to use, but I have my eyes open for just the right opportunity, when someone continually does things that should get him in trouble, but somehow he manages to get out of it.  Yep, I have it all ready.  That guy is going to merit a description as … “slipperier than snot on a glass doorknob.”

Proverbs 23:15-16 says, “My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad; my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.”

Father, thank you for my oldest son.  He taught us a lot when we were young parents way back all those many years ago.  Teach him now what he needs to know about raising those youngsters of his.  Amen.