February 21 – “Well, I’ll swan”

I mentioned a few days ago something about colloquialisms and traditions and how they have infiltrated our society and our language.  Well, I didn’t say it in so many words, but the thought was there.  Enough at least to warrant my returning to the idea and pondering my own roots a bit.  Here are some of the colloquialisms, the old sayings, that I remember from my youth.  Some of them I can attribute directly to the different arms of my family tree.  Meaning that I can remember certain ones actually saying these things.  I’ll try to point those out.  Others were just common, daily fare around our house.  Still others I have picked up since growing up, and finally there are a few that I sure wish’t I’da known ‘cuz I’da sure used ‘em.

From my Mom’s side of the family.  That would be Nannie K. (For Kelley), who lived with us my whole childhood.  Born on the Island, she left at the age of two after the 1900 storm and moved back to the old Holzworth homestead farm in Spring where she grew up with her sisters and baby brother.  Now I also included some things that her good friends said.  She had a card club that came to the house every few weeks.  Those ladies were all her age and felt quite comfortable treating us kids as their own.  Here goes.

“Give me some sugar”  Always a frightening request/demand for a young boy. And it usually came from one of those sweet old ladies at the card club meetings.

“If that don’t beat all”  Kind of a unique way of saying that something was the absolute worst possible … or best possible.  Versatile.

"dumber than a June bug on a string"  Don’t think I was supposed to hear that one, but it sounded funny enough that me and my brothers tried it.  Of course I remember expanding the focus to include toads in our “experiments,” but that’s a story for another day.
"slow as molasses"  Another versatile one.  This could refer to the opposing pitcher in a Little League game or (more likely in our case) to some little boys who are supposed to be getting ready for school.

"well, I'll swan!"  I still have no idea what that means!
"bless his heart"  Apparently you can say anything you want about someone, however mean and hateful, as long as you bless him when you're done.”

"flatter’n a pancake" This one, as I recall, was reserved primarily as a descriptive term for roadkill or as an image of what you were gonna look like after I beat you to a pulp.
"sit there like a bump on a log"  As a kid I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to sit anywhere for very long.  Too much to see.  Too much to do.  And now … bring on the forest.  I could use a few of those bumpy logs.
"actin' like she's got bees in her bonnet"  Imagine the imagery in a young lad’s mind upon hearing this one.  Well, once he figured out what a bonnet was.

"burnin’ both ends of a candle at the same time just wears you out"
"stubborn as a mule"  Never saw a mule as a kid that I can recall, other than the ones in the Pinocchio movie.  But they were kind of like a horse, so I managed to make out the imagery in this one.  Big, strong, if he doesn’t want to move, he will not move.  Got it. And, unfortunately for my parents, I often emulated it as well.
"naked as a jaybird"  Now, their pronunciation was a little different on this one.  Maybe closer phonetically to “nekkid.”
"slicker ‘n a hounds tooth" – Another one I had no idea about.  I was always taught to keep my hands out of a dog’s mouth.  Learned it the hard way when I got bit by a stray.  Again, a story for another day.
"looks like the cat that a swallowed the canary"  We never had a canary, and our cat used to terrorize the neighborhood dogs, so it didn’t really sound like a fair fight to me. 
"You kids are noisier than a hound in the henhouse"  We did get to see a hen house when we visited Spring.  Very smelly place.  And those hens could sure raise a ruckus when we walked through.  Made it easier to imagine the presence of a dog.  Or maybe a raccoon …
"you snake in the grass"  My Mom said this all the time.  Of course it was usually directed at us when she had fallen victim to yet another of our “innocent childhood pranks.”
"high-tailing it"  In the sense of running fast.  In our case it related to “getting’ the heck outta Dodge” (there’s another one) when we were in trouble.
"don't swallow watermelon seeds or one will grow in your tummy"  What a nightmare-inducing thing to say to a child.  And yes, I have said it to my children and my grandchildren.  But none of them ever believed me.  Something about needing sunlight and photosynthesis …
"tad, smidgen, dab" – Nannie’s cooking measurements.  Chris tried to follow her around the kitchen one day to get an accurate recipe for a special dish.  Didn’t work.  Nannie moved too fast for her to keep up.
"fair to midlin" – I read that this has something to do with grading cotton.  For us it was the ready answer to the proverbial “How are you?”  A bit more accurate than the typical “fine,” don’t you think?
"Good Lord willin' and the crick don't rise"  I picked up on this one early on.  It sounded more fun to say than “maybe” or “I hope so” or “That’s the plan.”  I’m not sure when I finally discovered what a “crick” was, though.  
"poor as a church mouse"  The whole church mouse thing was a favorite of Nannie’s.  I often looked for mice at our church growing up, but never saw one.  I never understood the connection between a mouse in a church and being poor.  And then I went into the ministry.  Nannie sure was smart …

Well, that’s enough for one day.  I’ll store up the other ones for days to come.  It’s gonna be a rip-snortin’ day, Lord willin’ and the crick don’t rise.

Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools  despise wisdom and discipline.

Father, thank you for legacies and language and memories of loved ones.  Amen.