Sunday, October 18, 2015

October 18 – “Best instructions ever”

Well, only four of us were able to make it to the church workday yesterday.  That severely hampered our hopes to install the countertops.  Ed did get a new fixture for the kitchen sink installed.  And Chris and Lauren got several sets of blinds installed as well.  Our major fail, though, was when we tried to replace the inner workings of a toilet that was leaking.  Oh, the replacing part went well.  Other than the fact that the water never really turned off completely, so we had a pile of wet towels.  And once Ed came in to help me (Oh, did I fail to mention that I was the errant plumber wannabe?), we did get the leak stopped.  Little did we know, however that the stoppage was only temporary.  And we never would have known had I not mentioned to Chris that the bathroom was out of paper towels.  We took some in there and noticed a growing puddle from the “all-fixed” leak.  She got the mop and I got the water turned back to as off as it will go.  Not sure where to go with that one now.  I guess I’ll turn it over to yet another of our resident plumber-types.  Next workday.

Now back to the fun stuff.  Ed and I ran across the absolute best set of installation instructions we have ever seen when we went to change out the kitchen faucet.  The thing that grabbed our attention was a picture of an open mouth just below some gaping nostrils.  Big set of upper teeth.  None on bottom.  It looked as if the mouth was full of some kind of particles.  And the whole thing appeared in a small circle with a line drawn through it, the universal symbol for negating.  Pretty random, huh?  It gets better.  Here are the actual instructions for that particular step:
“Step 1F  Remove the coupling nuts.  Grab your basin wrench and remove the supply-tube coupling nuts.  Watch out for falling rust.  That stuff is no fun to get in your eyes, and even less fun to get in your mouth.”
No, that’s really what it said.  Explains the picture, I guess.  No rust in the mouth.  And how about the next step:
“Step  1G Spit and drink a pop.   See?  We told you it was no fun to get that stuff in your mouth.”
At this point we both gave up all pretense that we were involved in a project.  We each grabbed a “pop” (AKA “a coke” – I had a Pepsi) and took a break to read the rest of this thing.
OK.  Just in case you have been using these instructions to remove a faucet at home, I wouldn’t want you to be left hanging.  Here are the rest:
“Step 1H Remove the tailpiece mounting nuts.  Again, use the basin wrench.  Remove the tailpiece mounting nuts this time.  Again, look out for falling nastiness.  Have you banged your knuckles on the pipes yet?  If so, congratulations.  Get out from under the sink, apply a bandage and move on.”
“Step 1I  Remove the old faucet.  Try to remove the faucet from the sink by pulling it straight up.  In a best-case scenario, the faucet will come right out.  In a could-be-better-case scenario, the faucet will just sort of sit there, snickering at you.  If that’s the case, move on to step 1J.”
“Step 1J  Take your putty knife and gently work its tip under the edge of the old faucet assembly, being careful not to scratch the sink’s finish.  The old faucet’s coming out now, isn’t it?  Sure it is.  If there’s any putty remaining on the sink, you can use your knife to gently scrape it away.  Now you should have a beautiful empty space, just ripe for a new faucet.  It so happens we have some ideas about that, too, at faucetcoach.com.”
Kind of makes you want to change out all your plumbing fixtures just so you can read the instructions, doesn’t it?

Hebrews 11:2 says, “By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.”


Father, thank you for the work that Ed and Lauren and Chris all put in yesterday.  Help us get a time when we can finally get the countertops installed.  Amen.  

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