Saturday, August 22, 2015

August 22 – “Don’t try this at home”

Because of the incomprehensible generosity of my beloved wife, I was blessed to undertake one of those oh-so-dreaded experiences that have the potential of mind-boggling pain and agony.  That’s right.  What else could it be?  I went to the dentist.  Chris made us appointments for some time in October, but they called and offered to move her appointment because of a cancellation.  Mind you, it was supposed to be her appointment they were offering to move up, not mine.  But that loving wife of mine, thinking only that should I end up having back surgery I might miss out on my appointment, so graciously requested that she be allowed to give up her spot to her back-damaged husband.  They agreed.  I mean, after all, who doesn’t want to help out senior citizen?  Looks good on their resume, I guess.

So I rushed out after water therapy to be on time for a dental cleaning.  That’s all it was supposed to be for.  Of course I had to fill out a boatload of paperwork relating to insurance and my medications and my medical history.  I thought they had all this stuff from the last time I was there.  I was quite the compliant patient, though.  No arguments from me.  And once I turned in the paperwork they immediately called me back with that ominous, “Mr. Vaughan?” voice. 

The hygienist was very nice.  Did some preliminary preparation things, like look at my history, which led her to ask, “Have you been to a dentist anywhere else since the last time you were here?”  Oh, no.  Not me.  I assured her I was as loyal as a puppy dog.  Yes, I really said that.  The thing was, the guy who was my dentist hadn’t been there for several years.  I think he retired.  So that meant a whole array of x-rays and baseline tests.  Great fun.  When she left to develop the x-rays I snuck off to make a quick bathroom break.  Wasn’t quick enough, though.  She beat me back by a few seconds.  It was worth it. Though, to see the puzzled look on her face.  She told me she had never lost a patient like that.  I told her I was happy to oblige in furthering her scrapbook of experiences. 

And then she started her work in earnest.  And it didn’t take long to discover that I am an unbelievable anomaly to the dental world.  I have essentially perfect teeth and perfect gums.  Oh, and I haven’t been to a dentist in (drumroll here) … thirteen years.  And to top it all off, when she asked if I floss, I replied, “Not really.”  See, that’s a nice way of saying flat out, “No way” to someone whose career is predicated on the “You must floss every day” lecture.  But I was brutally honest.  I don’t floss.  Now, kids … don’t try this at home.  It will not bode well for you to invoke the “I read it on the internet” excuse in this particular case, even if the author is a pastor.  I can tell you now, it’s not gonna fly.  The hygienist did finally ask, “Well, you DO brush twice a day, don’t you?”  That I do.  That I do. 

When she finished up her cleaning, and came up with a completely positive report (“Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.  And … you really should floss”), she turned me over to my new dentist.  And I have to say up front the cute young thing that stuck her fingers in my mouth was way better looking than my old friend from thirteen years ago.  Sorry, Dr. Robby.  My new doc was pretty impressed as well, but she did find a filling that was having some trouble staying attached.  After all, it has been thirteen years of me chomping on Cheetos and washing them down with sweet tea and eating the ice (never been one to waste a good ice chomp).  She recommended fixing the filling and putting a cap on the whole thing.  Whatever you say, Doc.  Whatever you say.  Of course we’ll have to run that by the insurance company first.  I’ll have to get back to her on that appointment.  I did make a return appointment to have another cleaning in six months.  Can’t remember ever doing that.  But maybe it’s better that waiting thirteen years.  Let’s see.  That’ll put me at … 75 years old.  Still but a spring chicken. 

1 Thessalonians 3:13 says, “May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.”


Father, thank you for the good report.  I needed that.  Amen.

No comments: