August 17 – “Happy birthday, Chris … and Eclipse Warnings”

Yep.  Today is Chris’ birthday.  She remembered mine in a memorable way.  Orchestrated a grandkids’ sleepover.  That’s how I know her day is coming up … if she remembers mine.  So far she has never missed.  Send her a message, a text or give her a call. 

Yesterday the siding and windows truck pulled up next door.  First action around there for several days.  Best I could tell they only unloaded about six windows.  Just stacked them against the front of the house.  I figured that meant someone would be there soon to install them.  Nope.  Somebody came later and dropped off some doors.  They put those inside.  No installation, though.  No work at all.  Just delivery.

Staff meeting at the church was spent working.  After we prayed together Jim and I screwed on 37 of the card holders to the backs of the new chairs.  We still have 13 to go, but we stopped while we were ahead.  Besides, we wanted to see if anyone notices our pattern.  We also stacked up ten more of them.  We’re trying to figure out the appropriate number of chairs that will make the room seem most inviting. 

The kids came back yesterday.  Well, Kel’s kids anyway, plus one extra they had with them.  They went to a class at the library here in town.  Something about the upcoming eclipse.  They brought us some special glasses to wear when it happens so we don’t get sucked into the spatial vortex that will be caused at the precise moment of eclipse.  Hundreds, if not thousands, are expected to go missing or to experience horrific injuries in the areas where the eclipse will only be partially visible.  In those areas the vortex will not be wide enough to envelop entire bodies, so many are expected to be trapped in a state of flux between realities.  Some part of them will remain here, trying in agony to pull themselves free from the gravitational tug that holds them.  It doesn’t look to be a pretty picture, so if you are among those who will make the attempt to witness the eclipse in an area of partial opening, be sure to wear your protective eyeglasses.  Oh, and most scientists are also recommending you watch only using the buddy system.  Get a friend, a really strong friend, to alternate viewing moments with you.  Be careful that you are both never looking at the same time.  If one of you begins to feel the effects of the suction, cry out at once so that your strong friend can grab you and hold on.  Results of this method have been deemed promising during other solar eclipses, but, of course as with all recommendations, nothing is 100% certain.  The best way to ensure your absolute safety is to stay inside and watch the event on television.  Of course then you risk falling victim to the dreaded Total Eclipse Equilibrium Hypnotic Encroachment Effect (T.E.E.H.E.E.).  You don’t even want to know what happens when that takes full control of you.  Can you say “Zombie-like existence”?  To avoid the T.E.E.H.E.E. is not all that difficult, though.  Just be sure that while you watch the broadcast you keep your head covered at all times and drink plenty of fluids.  Alfalfa juice has proven to be best, but some say they have achieved similar results with a mixture of pureed avocado pits and crushed watermelon rind, along with a twist of lime, of course.  And finally, need I even say it?  The only way to be absolutely sure of avoiding these horrible potential life-changing “difficulties”?  Total abstention.  Don’t watch at all.  But then … where’s the fun in that?

1 Peter 3:13 says, “Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?”

Father thank you for Chris.  Give her a great day.  Amen.