June 29 – “A serious, serious problem”

A new problem has arisen at our church over the last few weeks.  A serious problem.  A serious, serious problem.  I have been receiving reports for a while now, but I have never personally experienced the problem.  Until now, that is.  And I am, at this point, at a loss as to how to proceed, how to deal with it, how to just make it go away.  All ideas are welcome. 

See, as I was walking away from the church yesterday, minding my own business, on my way to change the date on the church sign (The pancake breakfast on Saturday starts at 7 a.m., not at 8), I felt a sudden, crushing blow to the back of my head.  Oh, it wasn’t hard enough to knock me to the ground or knock me out, but it did knock my cap to the front of my head.  Not completely stunned, due no doubt to my incredible reflexes, I whipped my body around, not knowing exactly what to expect.  Nothing was there.  But that’s when I heard it.  Loud at first, then softer and softer as it wafted further and further away.  That unmistakable, horrendous shriek of … a grackle.  A very large black bird.  After his dive bomb of my head he flew up to the roof of the retreat center and screamed at me, heckling me and laughing at his successful secret attack.  I know it was probably protecting a nest in one of the trees near the church entrance, but it was on.

After staff meeting I stepped onto the porch and issued a challenge.  A loud one.  I screamed at the avian beast.  It was nowhere in sight, but that didn’t fool me this time.  I knew that an attack could come from the skies at any moment.  And I was right.  It waited until I was out in the very center of the parking lot, totally unprotected by eaves or vehicles.  I sensed more than saw the approach, and at just the last moment, I whipped around, waving my yellow notebook in the air and screaming at the top of my lungs.  My instincts proved accurate.  The bird hit the brakes, spread its wings frantically, and instituted full-on evasive maneuvers.  I missed, and the attacker once again ended up on the retreat center roof.  This time, however, its screams were laced with frustration and fear and embarrassment rather than victorious taunting.  Bird one, Me one.  All tied up.  My next move?  Still not sure, but I may just carry an umbrella to church for the next few weeks …

James 2:19 says, “You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that — and shudder.”

Father, help the youngsters in that bird’s nest grow quickly so they can all fly away and we can co-exist peacefully.  Amen.