August 2 –“Friends for dinner”

Chris and I went to dinner with some friends the other day.  It set me to thinking.  Have you ever thought about the stages you go through in developing a friendship?  I guess I watch for weird things when I spend time watching people.  But one thing that fascinates me is how people relate to each other, especially in the early stages of a relationship.  And I'm not talking about the early stages of what has the potential of developing into a romantic "thing."  That has a whole different life, with its stumbling and fumbling maneuvers.  I'll have to save that for another day.   First comes the "Who are you?" stage.  Here's where you know nothing about each other, so you're not sure what is OK to talk about and what's not.  It's like on my first date with Chris.  I set the buttons on the car radio ahead of time.  One to country-western, one to rock, one to talk radio.  That way all I had to do was ask her what kind of music she liked, and voila.  I just happened to have that very type of music set on my radio.  We have something in common.  This is the cautious stage, feeling each other out.  Some people get very talkative, others stay quiet to the extreme.    Then there is the "taking chances" stage.  You are beginning to be comfortable in each other's presence.  So you feel a bit safer about taking chances with opening up.  You might cautiously ask a question with somewhat political overtones, but not too controversial.  You begin to insert things like "I feel …" or "I believe …" into the conversation.   Sadly, somewhere in here fits the "I know enough about you to know that I don't like you, but I'll be cordial because we're in a social setting" stage.  Enough said about that one.   That's followed by the "If I know you …" stage.  Here you know enough about each other to make assumptions about how you would respond in certain situations.  In fact you may even begin to anticipate each other's responses, or talk to others about how your friend would react.   Soon after comes the "practical joke" stage.  That's when you are relaxed enough around each other to laugh easily and argue freely.  And the comfort zone has increased enough to even play a practical joke on each other here and there.  After all, you know how far you can go without really embarrassing each other.   The next to the last level is where it really begins to get heavy.  It's one thing to laugh and joke and have fun together.  It's quite another to reach the "I'll cry with you" stage.  Sadness or grief is perhaps the hardest of our emotional responses to share with someone else.  It is by nature a self-centered, reflective time of life.  So if you have someone to share a tear with, you are blessed, indeed.   The final level is the most difficult of all to achieve.  In fact, it may come along only once or twice in a lifetime.  That's the "I'm here" stage of friendship.  At this level, talking becomes totally unnecessary.  You have been open enough, risked enough, shared enough, that you can now simply be together and not have to talk.  Now that's a level of intimacy to be desired above hundreds of casual acquaintances.   Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."   Father, thank you for being an "I'm here" friend.  And thank you for the friends you have given me at every level.  They have all been a part of molding me into what I am today.  Amen.