December 21 – “The Coffee Pot Altercations”

Now most of you who know me know that I am generally a calm, cool, collected in-control kind of guy.  That is important to establish up front here, for the altercations of which you may have heard came not from my heart in a fit of rage.  Nay, nay.  These confrontations, rather, were simply a rational response to a bit of a crisis situation.

So … what did happen?  It all began back at our Christmas party.  Mrs. Betty wanted a cup of coffee, and whatever Mrs. Betty wants in this house, Mrs. Betty gets.  Chris pushed the brew button and went about her business.  Only “brew” never took place.  Oh, there was noise coming from the coffee maker, all right.  And the water even appeared to be heating up.  But did it ever slide through onto the waiting grounds?  No, it did not.  Now in that situation we just happened to have had our good neighbors present at the time, so Janell went across the street and brought theirs over.  Crisis averted.  Mrs. Betty got her coffee. 

Chris spent the next day running vinegar through the mechanism three or four times.  And when she was finished, the machine was working perfectly.  And so it did for the next few days.  Right up until … it didn’t.  Same issue.  All noise and no substance.  Kind of like somebody claiming to be a Christian but not living a consistent Christ-like life.  Nothing but racket.  Gets all heated up within himself, but never has anything to offer in ministry to others.  So what would you have done in that situation?  Being as I was the only one awake at the time the creature was roaring loudly and accomplishing nothing, I did what any sane human being would do in my place … I smacked it one.  Or two.  I popped its innards with a finger flick worthy of a rowdy kid’s ear in a quiet church.  I’m not sure which tactic exactly was the one that did it, but suddenly the percolator started percolating.  Ah.  Coffee for another day. 

Little did I know that one day was all it had in it.  That time.  The next morning it began again.  Lots of noise.  No coffee.  Hadn’t it learned anything?  If that’s the way you live your life, eventually you will get disciplined.  And who was I to mess with the natural order of things.  I slapped again.  I flicked again.  I shook.  And finally … there came the coffee.  That was yesterday.  I had my system all worked out now.  And when I went in this morning all prepared to once again do battle … the coffee was all made and waiting for me to pour a cup.  Of course it was.  No slappage necessary.  All that had to happen was for it to do what it was created to do.  Will it do it again tomorrow?  No idea.  Will it receive “discipline” if it does not?  Oh, yes.  And if it continues being worthless and in constant need of discipline?  Other arrangements will have to be made. 

Psalms 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”

Father, thank you for the wonderful inventions that make our days so comfortable.  Amen.

December 20 – “In the 20’s”

It’s now officially in the 20’s.  No, not temperature.  I would have been whining much louder if that were the case.  I mean that the number after that word “December” has reached the 20’s.  Chris has begun wrapping presents.  I guess this Christmas 2018 thing is starting to get real.  We probably should figure out a time to finish up that shopping.  Ten grandkids.  And all of them have parents that we vaguely remember.  Maybe a few friends here and there.  I started out my day with the other side of the Christmas coin.   I worked on sermons and services.  I have two to prepare for the upcoming Sunday as well as Christmas Eve.  And then I need to move on to the Sunday after that, because we will have a houseful of young’uns that will not be so conducive to sermon preparation.  Oh, and in my spare time I’m about to overdose on Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies. 

In the midst of it all, Chris had to take me to my haircut appointment.  My stylist informed me at our party the other night that it was time.  I love that she gives me those little reminders.  One less thing I have to think about.  After she dropped me off Chris headed to the store to pick up some supplies for her next party.  She had a Wednesday Club Christmas Party at lunchtime.  And she had to pick up Mrs. Betty on her way.  All after picking me up from the barber shop.  Did I mention I have an amazing chauffeur?

I managed to pull off both sets of my exercises yesterday.  The therapist told me I could break them up into any form I want, just so I reach the target number of repetitions every day.  Target number?  I have to do each exercise 75 times.  The hardest part?  Keeping track of the count.  Well, that and then there’s the issue I have doing the ones where I sit or lie down.  I have trouble staying awake.  But I guess that’s good, right?  It means muscle memory is kicking in, because when I realize I have dozed off and reawaken, I’m still doing the exercises.  In fact, I may be doing more than my share.  I must be doing some specific good, though.  My knee sure reminds of the effort for a long time after I’m done. 

I touched base with my medical sharing plan to see why we haven’t seen any response to the bills we have turned in.  Come to find out, the statements I sent them from UTMB didn’t have a proper address and phone number to identify them.  Now I have to upload a business card to make them valid.  I’ll get right on that.  I’m all about following proper procedure, you know. 

Psalms 119:103 says, “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”

Father, thank you for Christmas.  I love this season.  Amen.

December 19 – “Creepy Santa”

Yesterday was physical therapy day again.  And yes, I’m still stuck on that balancing apparatus.  I’ll probably be there until I figure out how to beat it.  She did add one thing towards the end of it all.  I got one of those big rubber band things.  Red.  She assured me it was red.  Looks pink to me, but I have learned never to trust my sense of color.  So … red.  I have to somehow loop it around the hinge of a door and use it as resistance as I move my leg back and forth.  Pretty easy one. 

On the way home we stopped by the central fire station to deliver some Christmas Friendship Bread to the chiefs and Trish and Nora.  There was absolutely no place to park, so Chris dropped me off and parked a block or so away.  While I waited outside, who should walk up but Trish.  She had been nursing an impending migraine, so she was just arriving at work.  She walked with us up to the office.  It was great seeing everybody up there again.

Later in the afternoon we made our way to WalMart to do a little more Christmas shopping.  Alas and alack.  No go carts available when we arrived.  That meant at least one trek all around the store aided only by my trusty tooty-toot, sippy cup holder adorned walker.  On our journey we saw Mr. Bob from church and chatted with him for a while.  But as feared, I arrived home very tired and very sore.  The old knee just doesn’t think much of shopping, I guess.

Last night Brennan came over, very excited.  He and his Mom had gone out to look at Christmas lights in the neighborhood, and who should be lurking around one of most decorated houses ever?  Santa Claus.  Brennan had his picture taken with the jolly old elf to commemorate his unscheduled stop in Gulf Village.  They also took a picture of another decorated house.  This one had a full-sized Santa statue stationed inside, but standing at the window looking out.  It was actually kind of creepy.  The report got us a little fired up as well, so we hopped into the car and took a quick drive.  Sure enough, old Saint Nick shouted a “Howdy” to us as we drove by.  We somehow missed seeing Creepy Santa, though.  I’ll have to keep my eye open for that one.  Gives new meaning to “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake.”

Psalms 119:90 says, “Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures.”

Father, thank you for the excitement in Brennan’s voice and eyes as he told us about his visit with Santa.  And thanks for giving me one more chance to remind him that Santa loves Jesus.  Amen.

December 18 – “Dog Day Afternoon … again”

We woke up to another “issue” with one of our dogs.  I was working at my desk, minding my own business.  Chris was sitting in a rocking chair, casually scrolling through the news on her phone.  Freddy was perched on the other rocking chair, napping off and on.  Our wonderfully idyllic scene was then suddenly and rudely interrupted. 

It started with Freddy scratching her ear.  She has done that off and on pretty much since we got her.  Sometimes it gets worse, and we have to do the whole eardrop thing.  This time, however, was different.  The scratching began.  Then the wimpering, also not unusual.  But then … she started having a full-blown seizure.  Shaking all over.  Her front paw pulled up over her face.  She looked at us as if to say, “What is going on here?”  The seizure passed after a long minute or two.  Needless to say, Chris immediately put in a call to the vet.  I told her it was probably some kind of brain damage from that one time she got hit by a car.  For some reason my attempt at humor to lighten the situation was not really appreciated.  Our appointment request was accepted for later in the afternoon. 

Meanwhile we went to Target to try to do some Christmas shopping, since we hadn’t even started.  Anybody else know that feeling?  I located their little buggy riding carts, but decided to give walking a try.  Those buggies just seem like such a … a … WalMart thing to do.  I’d feel like a traitor if I rode one at Target, too.  Besides, I hadn’t been able to get to my exercises yet, and Chris told me this would count as building stamina.  That was a trick way of saying “You will be really tired and sore by the time we get home.”  Gee, you could have just said that up front.  The trip was pretty successful, as Christmas shopping trips go.  On the way home we stopped by Whataburger for a Whataburger Jr. with bacon and mayo (That would be my order.  Chris stays traditional with hers).  We took the grand meal home to eat and crash for a few minutes before taking Freddy to the vet.

All of our regular vets were out of the office, so we saw the holiday help.  She was a doc as well, just not one who knew Freddy’s history.  That meant an exam from top to bottom.  Before she even got to the seizure questions we were dealing with a possible double ear infection and maybe some kind of tear duct blockage.  We acknowledged the ear infection.  That fit with her history.  Not so much the eye thing, though.  After a long wait we were presented with a nicely typed up possible bill depending on what procedures we decided to approve.  Felt like we were at the dentist’s office where you have to approve a “maybe root canal” before they do anything.  We checked off ear infection and blood test for root causes of seizures (finally).  After fifteen or twenty minutes of more waiting, we got the final blood test results.  Freddy is … perfectly healthy in every way (well, except for the ear infection).  The blood work was excellent.  All we do is wait and see if she starts having them all the time.  Otherwise, pick up your bill at the front desk.  Now don’t get me wrong.  We like our vets.  And we like our dogs.  Just not looking forward to another bout with seizures. 

So … our quick trip to the vet to get Freddy checked out?  An hour and a half later we were finally headed back home.  Quite the dog day afternoon.  No more shopping for us on this fine day.  Maybe tomorrow (which would now be today).  Ah, the metaphysics of it all …

Psalms 119:89 says, “Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens.”

Father, thank you that Freddy’s issue wasn’t as serious as we feared.  Amen.

December 17 – “You jumped off a what?”

Well, yesterday was my oft-anticipated (by me, anyway) return to church after a two-week hiatus.  It was actually more of a soft re-opening that an actual return, though.  I handled the introductions and did a Visual Verse.  And … that was about all I had for the day.  I turned it over to Jim and Kel, and they did a fabulous job, of course.  Guess I got a little glimpse into how things went the prior two weeks without me. 

Dinner on the grounds was served after worship.  No, it wasn’t to celebrate my return or anything.  We always do dinner on the grounds on the third Sunday of the month.  And this time we had quite the Christmas feast.  Honey-baked ham and turkey and meatloaf and tamales and all sorts of other goodies spread across the table.  And for dessert I managed to score a little piece of cheesecake and a little larger piece of apple crisp pie.  Quite a few of the 73 we had in church stuck around for the meal.

After that rather long (for me) morning outing, we headed home to crash.  Little did I know, however, that we had five grandkids waiting for us when we arrived.  Seems Mom and Dad were going to do some Christmas shopping.  Not a problem.  Once the timer went off indicating that time for video games was done, I switched channels to a football game and promptly went to sleep.  I vaguely recall being awakened at least twice by tiny little hands tap-tap-tapping on my shoulder.  Something about fruit snacks.  Or was it a request to go play in the traffic.  I’m really not sure.  I’m pretty sure my answer was the same.  “We need to ask Nani.”  Hope they did. 

When I finally gave in and arose from my perch on the couch, the football game had long ended.  Now we were engrossed in an entirely different “sport.”  I guess it was a sport.  Jachin didn’t seem to think so.  There wasn’t a ball involved.  Nope.  This one was filmed in Utah.  So, for what sport is Utah uniquely created to host?  No idea what the name of it was, but we watched some young men - who seemed perfectly sane at the outset – ride bicycles down a mountain.  Not down a trail like you would expect normal people to take.  No.  These guys built their own “trails” with pickaxes and shovels and then rode right off the mountain, sometimes free-falling hundreds of feet.  The biggest excitement of the day came when one guy dislocated his shoulder and had a buddy tug on it until it popped back into place with a sound that we could all hear.  His comment?  “That’s OK.  It happens all the time.”  Well, then why are you still riding bikes off of a mountain?  I never heard mention of prize money, but I don’t care how much they offered.  I’m pretty sure I would rather aspire to a career in pro football or maybe the pro wrestling circuit. 

Psalms 119:76 says, “May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”

Father, protect those crazy guys when they jump off that mountain.  And grant my grandkids enough sense to never do the same.  Amen.

December 16 – “Heading for Howdy Doodies”

On explicit orders from my live-in nurse, I took it very easy yesterday.  After all that hard work at the Christmas party, I slept through most of the night – just one bathroom break.  And I’m told I took three or four really good naps during the day.  Don’t remember.  I must have been asleep.

When I wasn’t sleeping I did my best to help Chris put stuff back together after that party.  That was one stretch that was enough to knock me out again.  When I woke up that time Chris was standing nearby with a frustrated air about her.  Seems she had gotten the old dog door flap off with no problem, but was having no small difficulty getting the new one installed.  Apparently her arms weren’t quite long enough to work on both sides of the door at the same time.  After some negotiating and then some finagling, I sat on a step stool.  Between the two of us … we got the job done. What a team.

And now this morning I am heading out to another adventure, pretty much against the advice of my physical therapist.  She advised me to “stay away from crowds and holiday doings until after the first of the year.”  I figured I already blew the second one out of the water by hosting the party (the very night she told me that).  Why not just go for perfection and make it two for two?  I’m going back to church.  Sort of.  Kel is preaching for me again, but I’m gonna be there.  I may do the howdy doodies and maybe a Visual Verse.  And I have to be there for the Christmas dinner on the grounds.  But Chris has my extra pillows already packed for me to keep my leg elevated.  I might need to throw in another one for my head as well.  Here we go …

Psalms 119:73 says, “Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.”

Father, thank you for creating this marvelous invention called the church.  Please be there with us today.  Amen.

December 15 – “Beep … beep … beep”

Chris spent one whole day baking bread to go along with the Christmas mix candy substance she had already made.  The house smelled amazing.  I’m pretty much convinced that the smell rather than the impending cold front was the reason that mouse sought refuge the other day.  I spent the day alternating between preparing for the Christmas party we were hosting, doing leg exercises, and just being exhausted from the same.  I could have left out the extra walking part, though. 

We went to WalMart to get the supplies we needed for the Reindeer Games portion of our Christmas party.  I wasn’t confident enough to make a go of WalMart with just me and my walker, though, so I became … a WalMart Electric Cart Rider.  Yep.  One of THEM.  That thing drives like a tank.  And it occasionally has a mind of its own.  At one point I was stopped and browsing and it started moving forward on its own.  Then I tried to put it in reverse, and it went forward, crashing right into the basket in front of me.  Fortunately it was ours.  And that doesn’t even take into account all the times it turned itself off, I assume to conserve battery energy.  Oi discovered in the “research phase” of my ride that those things just don’t go very fast, even in a straightaway.  It does turn quickly, though.  That was fun.  So was backing up.  Felt like I was back driving my garbage truck … Beep, beep, beep.  No … I didn’t hit anybody, although that would have been fun as well.  Maybe next time. 

Oh, and about the Christmas party.  We had more people here than we have had in a long time.  They started coming in so fast that I don’t think Chris had time to get a photo of everyone in front of the tree.  The games were a lot of fun.  From Christmas Carol Charades (which the girls won handily) to Frosty’s Melting, all the way down to Rudolph’s Red Nose M&M’s and Jingle All The Way, we had a lot of laughs.  The food everyone brought was tasty as usual.  And Pastor Kel did a great job reading the Christmas story from the Book of Luke.  The children seemed to enjoy their scavenger hunt for hiding reindeer, and they jumped right in when the other games began.  You would have thought that these people actually enjoyed being together …

Psalms 119:66 says, “Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands.”

Father, thank you for the fun.  It’s just so … fun.  Amen.