December 20 – “Level Two”

I had to create a Level Two journal today.  The blog has caught on with so many different people from so many different places, that now I have to be careful what I include every day.  I want it to be encouraging and informative.  I know that some days I get depressed or frustrated and it comes through in what I write, but that's just me, and that much won't change.  I'll just keep some of my "Dear Diary" rantings between me and God.   Over the last week or two we have received at least four separate bits of news that have really punched me personally in the gut.  The latest was about the church we came to Galveston from.  It is in Denver, Colorado.  Seems that the church split into two factions.  One merged with a suburban church.  The other stayed and for a time paid rent on the facility to the suburb group.  The suburban group then decided to sell the old facility and told the others that they had to leave.  They are now meeting in a community facility and are reaching people of all races, but they have decided to sue the first group.  Very depressing.    Combine those news tidbits with Chris' Mom and aunt dying within a few months of each other and our worship pastor (and friend) moving to Waco, and it has not been a happy Christmas season so far.    So for the last few days I have been grieving.  I have been depressed.  But I have actually felt better physically than I have in months.  I started on an anti-inflammatory drug that seems to be working.  I have to give it a month and then check my blood again.  If my liver functions are messed up, then we know that it's caused by the only thing that gives me pain relief.  So then I'll have to decide if I want pain relief or my liver.  But that's not a problem yet, so I can't make it one.    Chris has given me the best encouragement so far.  She reminded me that now I need to focus on the positive things that God is doing.  I need to get started on that list.    Psalms 36:9-11 says, "For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.  Continue your love to those who know you, your righteousness to the upright in heart.  May the foot of the proud not come against me, nor the hand of the wicked drive me away."   Father, I give you my grief.  I give you my depression.  And I give you my thanks.  For right now, that's about all I can muster.  Amen.