September 18 – “She’s gone”

I got the call from Chris about 4:45 this morning that her Mom was gone.  All kinds of details are looming for the next few days.  The funeral info will be determined later on.  I have to make calls to the boys.  I also have to do some finagling about my day today.  I have a wedding rehearsal at 10.  I emailed the wedding coordinator, and she can take that for me with no problem.  I'm pretty sure I can get back in town in time for the wedding tonight, but I'll put Kel "on call" just in case.  I don't see how I can get back for the open house at the school.  It's from 1 to 5.  I emailed Rita.  Hope someone gets the message.  When I come back for the wedding I guess I'll stay overnight here for the service tomorrow and then head back to Bay City afterward for the duration.   The laptop seems to be doing strange things.  It's probably going out.  The screen is flickering and the double click button won't work.  Just what we need right now.   Short entry today.  I'll try to enter more tomorrow.   Psalms 30:5 stilll says, "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."   Father, I needed this verse today.  I know Chris does.  Thanks.  Amen.

September 17 – “A Shield”

I took a trip to Bay City last night.  Late.  And came home last night.  I got back around midnight, but couldn't get to sleep until sometime after one.   Chris' Mom slept most of the day.  In the early evening she woke up and asked Chris to call all her family to come over.  And she wanted me to come and pray.  Chris began by texting me and just letting me know what was going on.  Her brothers were there.  Her Dad's son and his wife were there.  One sister was there.  I finally just texted back, "What's going on?"  She called me.    Now for Chris to go ahead and make a call kind of put significance to the situation.  But she was obviously standing right with her Mom and Dad.  She very formally asked if I could come.  She said her Mom wanted me to say a blessing of some kind on her marriage.  Sounded very strange.  I asked Chris what her Dad thought about it, and she didn't answer.  This call sounded urgent enough.  I started packing up to make the drive.  I brought the stuff I usually do when I spend the night, but I had no idea what would happen when I got there.    On the way to Bay City the bugs were everywhere.  So many splattered on the windshield that it was beginning to obscure my vision.  I finally hit a red light, so I squirted the windshield and ran the wipers until I could see again, but it was a futile effort.  By the time I got there the whole front of the car was covered.   Her Dad is more than a little bit angry at God and hostile toward anyone who represents him.  That has put me squarely in his crossfires ever since this whole thing began.  But I am married to his daughter, so he was forced to put up with me.  And on occasion we have even had some good talks, as long as he did moct of the talking and the topic stayed somewhere in Alaska.  That's his favorite vacation destination, the site of many trips the two of them have taken over the years.   Chris later told me that he wasn't all that keen on me praying, but her Mom really insisted, so he begrudgingly agreed.    The drive down there was an odd one for me.  I alternated between listening to the Christian radio station and driving in silence so I could pray.  It was a big struggle – trying to come up with some kind of appropriate prayer that would comfort her Mom yet not totally alienate her Dad.  I though about scriptures.  I toyed with scenarios for awhile, but it hit me that doing that was making something a problem before it became a problem.  Sometimes I didn't pray.  I just sat there in the silence and tried to listen.  The only thing that came to me was, "Let it go.  I'll meet you there."  Not that I heard those words.  In fact I couldn't put actual words in there until just now as I was typing.  But that was definitely the message.   I got there amidst the family gathering and tried to stay in the background so I could assess what was happening.  Chris' Mom was awake, but obviously weak.  I heard her Mom tell one of the brothers that she had asked me to pray.  He was all for it.  At one point her Dad and the Son went outside.  I almost asked then if we could pray, but something held me back.  Time just wasn't right.    The Son & his wife decided to leave 9 or 9:30.  They had to drive back to Friendswood.  My eyes met Chris' and we knew it was time.  I very quietly asked them if they would like to joind us for prayer.  They were the first to join hands in the circle that forned around the bed.  Chris' Dad, though, went into the kitchen.  He could watch and hear, but he did not want to personally participate.  When the circle was complete, I looked around.  Everyone had his bowed so I couldn't really see fces.  And I still had no clue what I was going to say.  But at that moment I didn't feel panic.  I didn't feel fear or anger.  But I felt a sense of peace within the circle.  I asked one last time for God to help with words, but again the call was clear.  "Let it go.  I'm here."    And finally it hit me.  It really didn't matter what words were spoken in that circle.  The important thing was the hearts coming together in a bond of love that resulted in a great sense of peace.  It was like a shield had been thrown up around us.   Afterward her Dad remained quiet, but the anger was obviously just below the surface, so Chris and I decided that it might be best for me to head on back home and let him have some time to process it.    Honestly, on the way home I felt pretty dumb.  Why couldn't I think of anything cool to say?  What kind of pastor am I anyway?  Depressing, huh?   This morning I checked my facebook account and there was a message from Chri's sister-in-law.  It was a great word of encouragement that came just when I needed it.  Feeling somewhat more energized, yet still holding on to that little bit of selfishness that makes depression the devastating evil that it is, I went to Sam's to pick up the burgers and hot dogs for the big blowout at church Sunday.  The checker there tried to get me to upgrade our card.  I told her that I couldn't do things like that.  "I'm just the pastor."  She immediately went into a monologue about how I wasn't "just" anything.  I was the guy who was "there for us, who helps us, who stands with us."  Wow.  How did she know?  Again, it was just what I needed to hear.  And to top it off, I drove through a pretty bad thunderstorm on the way home.  The car looks great.  De-bugged.   Psalms 18:30 says, "As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in him."   Father, thank you for that shield you put up last night during the prayer.  It was humbling to be there.  Amen.

September 16 – “Regular Doctor”

Finally out of sheer frustration, the young, but not so young, replacement General decided to attack.  The Wicked Enforcers of Evil and Destruction were forever banished from the domain, though some managed to slip away and began to regather forces for future attacks.  Some valiant warriors were lost on both sides, but in the end clear-cut divisions of land were established.  The Battle of the Yarrow And Ramtil Domain East was at an end.  But the Greater War would prove to be an ongoing irritation for the General, for peace in this land is never more than an uneasy hesitation before yet another uprising.  Ah, would that the Queen were here.  She would know.  She would act appropriately.  She would rule.   But the Queen was locked in the seemingly everlasting struggle with circumstance that had become her personal quest.   Today I had to take Mom to the doctor.  She has been having some pain in her legs when she gets up in the morning.  Sounds very simple, but I never even took our kids to the doctor without the all-knowing eye and presence of "Nurse Chris."  All week, Mom kept insisting she had to go to the eye doctor.  I knew the appointment was for her regular doctor, so I had no idea where the eye thing came from.  Come to find out, the "regular doctor" has an office in the same building as an eye clinic.  In fact they use the same receptionist.  In fact it was quite confusing.  So, no problem, Mom.  We went to the eye doctor.   I didn't know I was supposed to be up on all her medications – when she takes them and why.  I did OK at first, blood pressure and Tylenol and vitamins and fish oil.  Yep.  Fish oil.  Cleans out the arteries.  There to help out the "good cholesterol."  But she got to one that I had no idea as to the "why."  Of course that's the one she got stuck to like glue.  How long?  Why?  Does it really help?  She finally said to stay off it for a week and seek if it makes a difference.  That didn't sound right to me for that particular medication.  It's a stronger version of the one I take for nerve pain, and it was prescribed by a totally different doctor.  I texted Chris there in the office while the doc was typing in her notes.    Didn't get an answer back until later, though.  We were at Chili's having lunch.  Sure enough, she is supposed to be on that med without fail.  In fact she is supposed to be taking it twice a day, but Mom told me she stopped the evening dose a long time ago.  Chris hit the ceiling, if that's possible in a text.  Best I can figure, missing the evening dose might just be why she's having leg pains.    Now I have another job.  I get to monitor Mom's medications when she puts them into her little case each week.    Job 12:16 says, "To him belong strength and victory; both deceived and deceiver are his."   Father, please send some of your strength over to Chris.  She sure needs some so she can keep your victory in her eyes.  Amen.

September 15 – “Security”

Another difficulty arose when it came to light that a group of squatters had arrived and claimed territory for their own.  The General, overwhelmed by other concerns, decided to let the Active Nomadic Tribe Squatters alone as much as possible, for they really did no harm to the common residents, and their fierce ways made them a force to be reckoned with.   Mom wanted to go to Golden corral yesterday.  She said to call in the troops and see how many could come.  Strangely enough, both Kel's and Nathan's families were both available.  So we all descended upon the place.  And they put us in the back room.  The only other people in there were some vice squad officers.  I guess that means we had our own security detail.  Or maybe Golden Corral felt like they needed one – from us.   What's the deal with watering the grass anyway?  I understand that it needs water and all that.  But who established the 15 minutes per area rule?  Was that just Chris' thing, or is there some obscure scientific finding that says grass needs fifteem minutes of watering or it will all die a miserable death?  I do my best to follow her schedule.  Go set the sprinkler up, turn on the water and come inside and wait fifteen minutes.  Do it again.  Four times in the front.  Five times in the back.  And that's if I remember the timer.  The periwinkles in the front looked like they had been stepped on after their round.  They have taken over one of the flower beds, even covering up the three little shrubs in there, somewhere.    Wait a minute.  This all sounds familiar.  I guess I have ranted about it before.  It's one of those things that just doesn't go away when you have house.   I will definitely be glad when Chris gets back and can take over at least keeping up with the schedule for outside stuff.  Just tell me what to do out there and I'll get to it.   With the big Grand Opening at church this weekend my to do list is never ending.  I scratch off two things and add four.  This afternoon I just wanted to text back and forth with Chris.  Actually I wanted to sit face to face with Chris and talk.  Can't remember the last time we had uninterrupted time to do that.    Psalms 4:6-8 says, "Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.  7 You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.  8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."   Father, I long for the light of Chris' face.  Yours must be incredibly awesome.  Amen.

September 14 – “Chariot of fumes”

The General tried desperately to arrange reconciliation.  He rooted out spies and mercenaries, but the more he found, the more were unveiled.  The task seemed endless, for each time he rested, they returned with even more forces.  It was as if he was tearing them off from a much deeper root system that simply grew a horrible replacement for the torn and missing body as soon as the attacks ceased.   When I left Bay City yesterday I was feeling pretty low.  Not just because I had to leave Chris again, but because I had to leave her there.  I was wondering how in the world Satan could get such a grip on a situation that all joy could be sucked out of a physical location.   Chris has been in there for over three months now.  It is strange.  It's like you lose all sense of time when you enter the house.  I wasn't even sure what day it was.  I can't even say they live from one event to the next, one meal to the next, unless maybe it's from one medication administration time to the next.  They rarely turn on the TV, so there is not much input from the "outside world."  And when it is on it is either the weather channel or Fox News political commentary.  Even mealtimes, always happy events at our house, are somber occasions required to sustain.    As I reflected on the situation and began praying for Chris to survive this next round, I pulled up at a stoplight behind one of those pickup trucks that had four wheels on the back instead of two.  It had 4 X 4 painted on the side, and even had spokes coming out of its wheels, just like Messala's chariot in the movie Ben Hur.  It was revving its engine, ready to go.  Next to it was a nondescript white car with the driver's side window down.  The driver was smoking a cigarette that for some reason seemed to be putting forth a lot of smoke.  Maybe he had been smoking with the window closed and just opened it, but there was kind of a cloud hovering around him.  I don't do well around cigarette smoke.  Makes my airways close up so I can't breathe.  It distracted me enough that I thought something along the lines of "I wish he would stop smoking or keep his window closed."  About that time the light changed and the big truck gunned the engine and took off.  But as he did, the location of his obviously souped up exhaust pipe caused a huge black cloud of those sweet-smelling diesel fumes to shoot right in the face of the smoker.  I know.  Neither driver was particularly in the right.  But it struck me as funny at first, then as a lesson.  A simple one.  One I really needed right then.  God has already won the war.  Satan will get his his just desserts – or diesel fumes – in the end.  Hang in there Chris.   1 Corinthians 15:57 says, "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."   Father, come on with that victory.  The battles are tough.  Amen.

September 13 – “Nurse persona”

It started simply.  Both groups were favored by the queen, proudly raising their standards and flying their colors.  Yet both were determined to take over more and more territory.  Strange indeed, for they operated under names of such serenity.  Lilies.   Blue Flowers.  How could there be enmity?  Yet hostility reigned in the absence of the calming spirit of the Queen.    The two captains had each enlisted spies and mercenaries to infiltrate enemy territory.  The Wicked Enforcers of Evil and Destruction were happy to sell their services to the highest bidder.  Or in this case, to both bidders.  And soon their deadly presence threatened the very existence of beauty in Domain East.   The situation with Chis and her family is getting more and more tense the closer her Mom gets to death.  Emotions are beyond frayed.  Each one deals with the tension in his or her own way.  Her Mom tends to get very depressed and cry.  Her Dad is always angry, so little frustrations combine with personal assumptions with him, and he has what might best be described periods of venting where he retreat into his personal cave and refuses to talk.  And if someone tries to get him out before he's ready, he reacts with an outburst of pentup emotion.  Chris on the othe hand has not been sleeping much.  She jumps up at every sound to check on her Mom.  As a result her emotions are also raw.  She struggles to maintain a "nurse persona" but often the "daughter" jumps up aand forces its way into the forefront.  She has no one to talk to except when she texts me.  Again, I'm so glad we have unlimited texting.  She too does her share of crying.  Doctors are still amazed that her Mom is hanging on.  The whole situation makes for one tense drama after another.    Here's an example.  When I go to see Chris I try to stay in the background as much as possible to avoid adding to the tension.  Today her Mom interpreted that as a problem, because I wasn't talking non-stop with Chris' Dad.  She later told Chris' sister (on the phone) that her husband and her son-in-law were "at it," so she had to take a "happy pill."  Sure brought to life the old saying, "Don't make it a problem until it becomes a problem."   She has great things to say about the hospice caregiver who comes over to help bathe her.  The lady is bubbly and kind and just celebrated her 69th birthday.  She likes the hospice nurse a lot, too.  She won't do anything different with her medications or her routine until she clears it with that nurse.  And the social worker still has a reserved seat any time he wants to come over and talk, and he is a believer.  Not so much the chaplain, though.  He is not allowed in the house at all.   This week is going to be a tough one for me.  I'm concerned for Chris.  That's the biggest thing.  It's always there in the back of my mind.  Used to be that I worried that her Mom would die and we'd have all the funeral preparations and stuff to go through.  Now it's not that.  Now it's praying that Chris will be able to make it through just one more day at a time without reaching "that point."  We have the big grand opening celebration at church this weekend, with all the preparations involved there: sermon and ribbon cutting and open house and dedication service and recognitions.  Mom has some kind of doctor's appointment Thursday, and I have to make sure she eats something every day.  I'm supposed to call and find out the results of the blood test I took to see if I can continue on the rheumatoid arthritis medication.  It rained a lot when that last tropical storm came ashore, so the yard needs to be edged and probably mowed again by the end of the week.  And speaking of that, why not throw in wondering what we would do if that next storm gets in ths Gulf and heads this way.  Would Chris evacuate?  Would I?  What about Mom?    OK.  Deep Breath.  The Word.   Mattheew 6:28-34 says, "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Father, protect Chris.  Grant her your peace.  Restore her joy.  Allow her rest.  She's determined to walk through this.  Please let her sense your presence as she does.  Amen.

September 12 – “Bicyclist”

And while she was gone her valiant husband tried to step into her shoes and carry out her wishes for the domain.  He had no idea at the outset just how encompassing was the myriad of responsibilities shouldered by the Queen.  Food preparation, keeping up with the activities of the Queen Mother, care of the animals within the domain, and of course, commanding the forces of control over the Yarrow And Ramtil Domain.    This young substitute General was not so young, and certainly inexperienced at war.  In fact he went by the battle field many times and did not even give it a glance, for that was the land of the Queen. And she held control.  And all was at peace in the land.   At peace, that is until The Battle of the Yarrow And Ramtil Domain East.   Yesterday I went to the grand reopening of a church building that had been damaged by Hurricane Ike.  They had a meal (though I wish I had been with the kids.  They had pizza!) and musical entertainment and thank you's and recognitions and gifts and a closing charge by the pastor.  All pretty much what I expected.  I was kind of looking for ideas for our grand opening of the school building this comin weekend.  There's no way we could do things on that scale, though.  And there was one thing missing that I think would have been really effective.  I left wondering what they are going to do next.  The building is done.  Now what.   On the way home I saw a guy fall off his bicycle.  He got to the intersection of a busy street and came to one of those almost stops you make when you don't want to stop completely.  You know, one of those balancing acts on two wheels.    Then he tried to press the button to change the light.  And the person with him started across before the light changed.  And he obvious said something to her.  And all the while he was trying to stay balanced on the bike.  And it just didn't work.  He fell completely to the ground.  Totally missed the chance to catch himself with his foot.  Landed right on his rear with his feet in the air.  He was OK, though.  He got his feet untangled quickly and jumped up waving his arms to show all was well.  Now, that was embarrassing enough for him, but the person he was with was his girlfriend or wife or sister.  It was a girl.  So much for Mr. Macho showing off on the bicycle.  I kind of felt sorry for him.  When I stopped laughing.   John 12:35-36 says, "Then Jesus told them, 'You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going. 36 Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light.'"   Father, help me trust you with even the little things and not try to be a show off.  Amen.