March 3 – “Written”

It is written.  I finally finished the funeral service.  One thing that made it hard was the  fact that I keep drifting into daydreams.  I don't think I'm dreaming about it at night, but I drifted into it this morning as I was waking up.  They are the kind of dreams where I re-live what Jim and Laura told me happened with Josh from their perspective – finding him, CPR, calling 911, the ambulance ride, telling the rest of the family.  It's like I was there.  And sometimes like my boys were involved.  I find myself thinking "What if it had been my boys?  Would I have been able to do all that they did?  How would I feel?  How would Chris handle it?"  Questions without answers.  "Who made your mouth, Moses?"  "Who made the great leviathan, Job?"  Who is greater than you, (Read sarcasm here), Pastor Kelley?  None but the Lord Almighty.  That means … it's OK.    I began to worry a little today about the teaching for Sunday.  I'm usually well on my way by now.  So far I know where I'm being led.  I just haven't had the wherewithal to begin.  That will happen.  God will come through.  He always has, and I see no reason why he shouldn't now.    I had the agenda and research ready last week for the discernment meeting, but I don't look forward to one this week.  There are some important things we need to do, and again, God has always invaded our discernment meetings in the past.  I expect him to do it again.  I'm just tired.   The visitation is tonight.  I wonder why we don't call it a wake?  I wonder why someone called it a wake in the first place?  Chris and I will be there for the private  family viewing time.  Everyone else is scheduled to begin coming at 5:00.  It will be good to see the people who come.  It will be hard to see the people who come.  Both statements are true.    Hebrews 12:28-29 says, "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29 for our 'God is a consuming fire.'"   Father, please invade that funeral home before anyone arrives tonight.  Amen.