April 26 – “Well, I wouldn’t call it depressed really”

Why is it that nobody ever gets depressed?  Think about it.  How many people have you ever asked if they were depressed, and they said, "You bet!  Pretty much every day for a few hours and usually twice on Sundays."  I went to the doctor a while back, and he asked me if I was depressed.  Of course I was depressed.  I was sick. Who isn't depressed when they get sick?  But did I say that?  No.  I said something profound along the lines of "Well, I wouldn't call it depressed really."  Well, here it comes you two people who occasionally read this … I get depressed.   I heard the other day that a lot of people in Galveston are getting post traumatic stress syndrome.  Supposedly it kicks in around six months after the trauma.  I know it's been six months since we stayed in our house.  Six months since we have been living off the grace and unbelievable goodness of people we don't even know.  Six months since we lost all our stuff and thanked God that we evacuated and that Nathan was safe even though he had to stay.  I want to go home.    Depression is a strange thing.  Sometimes it eases up on you and gently chews away at bits and pieces of your joy and peace.  Kind of like a dog that discovers the great taste of your favorite shoe or action figure or baseball.  He begins by just licking at it.  And his eyes are constantly moving around, checking you out.  Then he gets a tiny corner loose and chews just that little hunk.  Finally he throws all caution to the wind and digs in.  Before you know it that baseball is an unrecognizable mass of mush.  And when you try to take it away from him, he faces off with a growl.  Even when you offer him a brand new chew toy or some food, he wants that mush pile more.  Yeah.  I've had that kind of depression more than once.   Sometimes it snatches the grin right off your face.  You thought you felt pretty good, but all of a sudden somebody close to you makes a totally unrelated comment, and to you, it's like your entire world is coming to an end.    Sometimes it punches you in the stomach.  I know that sounds a lot like snatching your grin off your face, but it's a little different.  In this one it's not that your world is ending.  It's more like you really don't care if it ends or not.  You're not really hungry, so you can eat … or not.  You can't get excited about work or play or relationships.  You are overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness.    Sometimes you fight back.  You say, "It's not supposed to be this way."  And by sheer force of your will, you get through the next day.  Well, the next hour.  OK, the next few minutes.  Sometimes you flood yourself with busy-ness, thinking, "If I can just stay busy, I won't think about being down."  Sometimes you hide.  This is a favorite with us guys.  We disappear into a personal cave inside of us.  We don't talk.  We don't want to be around anyone.  The idea is to process the situation until we can understand it first, then figure out a list of action plans that will fix it.  Only sometimes the "fix it" never comes.    Sometimes when you're depressed you do or say things that you can't believe.  You're more easily angered and frustrated.  You lash out.  Or shut people out.    Sometimes you think "a good Christian" should never feel this way.  And sometimes I guess you shouldn't.  But the thing is, you do.  It hurts.  It affects you spiritually.  You don't want to pray.  You don't want to read the Bible.  You don't want to go to church.  That one gets tough when you're the pastor.    I love Jesus.  I love my wife.  I love my kids and my grandkids.  I love my church.  I know that everything is going to be all right in the end.  I know that if everything is not all right, then it's not the end.  I know that things really do look better in the morning if I can just get to sleep.  I get depressed.  And it's OK.  I also know I'm not alone.  In spite of the countless "Well, I wouldn't call it depressed really" answers out there.    Philippians 4:4-9 says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things."   Father, thank you for loving me in spite of me.  And thanks for making things look so much better in the morning.  Amen.