Well, we left Chattanooga without
riding the famous choo choo. Or eating
at the fabulous restaurants recommended to us downtown. We left Chattanooga just ahead of the coming
storm. There. That still sounds like the first few lines of
a country western song, doesn’t it? It
was time to leave town before 900 more bicycles closed the road to the freeway
and we would be stuck in choo choo town forever.
Our next leg took us onto the Trail
of Tears for a while, then onto the Appalachian Foothills Parkway, where we got
stuck behind a tractor. One lane. He was hitting his max speed of 20 mph max,
so I’ll give him that. He finally turned
off in time for us to see a beaver walking on the side of the road. He looked a little drunk, though. Think he might have been chewing on
somebody’s still. We missed Burt’s
Farm. It was closed for the season. Not sure which season. But just down the road we saw a sign for
Amicalola Falls, so we stopped. The view
of the Falls was well worth the $5 entry fee.
We walked down and stood on a bridge that spanned the Falls about halfway
down. Got some amazing pictures. Even took a selfie (Wait. Is it still considered a
selfie of there are two of you in the picture?
I can’t get a handle on this lingo).
Then we went on to the top and took a few more photos there. We had lunch at the lodge restaurant. Very swank.
I even tried to get Chris to stay there for the night. OK, OK, I confess it was a thinly veiled
attempt to remain outside the magnetic tug of the evil doll hospital that
awaited around the next bend. She
wouldn’t go for it, though. On we go.
Soon we entered the
Chattahooche-koochie National Forest. (Sorry, I get carried away with those names). In the little town of Dahlonega there were
flags and crosses literally lining the roads in and out of the city. Each cross bore the name of a vet and the war
or wars he fought in. Quite the
undertaking for the town and quite a moving experience for the traveler.
And finally we had “IT” in our
sights. Babyland Hospital. No amount of coaxing could keep Chris away
now. (She
even pulled out the “We went to the tow truck museum, so ….” line. I knew that one was coming). On the front porch of the veritable mansion we
were met with a strange song playing some Country Western song about a guy
named Xavier. Found out later he was the
one who started the place. Autographed pics
of celebrities who have been there or who have supported “the cause” lined the
walls. The clerks wore nurse
scrubs. A few of the older ladies wore
full nurse uniforms. We stumbled upon one
of these nurse-adorned ladies rocking one of the dolls in a room set up to look
like a nursery. She told us that
particular doll was always getting into trouble, so it stayed in time out all
the time. I told her I could
relate. Weird. Masterful marketing scheme though.
We saw a “birth” take place. They made an impassioned announcement over
the loudspeaker to meet over at the huge tree that was the birthing
station. Two “LPN’s” (Licensed Patch Nurses) delivered the
dolls, following procedures that were eerily similar to a real birth. Twins.
The kids in the crowd got to name them.
Lemon Cheeks Arnold and his sister Isabella Zoe. No, seriously. I videoed the whole thing. Couldn’t believe it myself. It took every ounce of restraint I could
muster (plus I was still in a state of
shock at actually being there), but I never once uttered the taboo word
“doll.” I love my wife. Perhaps because of that sacrifice, I finally
made it out without too much permanent damage to my soul.
Next we followed the Chattahoochi-koochie
River Scenic route, then the Unicoi Turnpike, which became the North Carolina
scenic byway. Phew. Great names.
Oh, and we even saw a “See Ruby Falls” sign in the middle of
nowhere.
Before you read the next sequence,
read about “The Dragon’s Tail” (Come on,
you have internet or you wouldn’t be reading this. Oh, all right. Here’s a synopsis). It’s a treacherous, eleven mile stretch of
road through the Great Smoky Mountains.
In those 11 miles, the road curves, sometimes drastically, 139 times. It is a favorite of motorcyclists from all
over the world. And we chose to enter it
in the late evening. During a light rain
…
And then we grabbed the Dragon’s
Tail, and the fight of our lives began.
He ripped out all cell service reception for the duration of the
battle. I sent out a call for assistance
from some faithful knights in faraway Waco and LaMarque, but alas, the message
never made it through. The dragon
gobbled up the pigeon before it could even get airborne. It was the fair maiden Chris who managed to
slay the foul beast. (Read here, Chris had altogether too much fun
at my expense driving on this treacherous roadway. Way too fast.
I had to constantly remind her to slow down and obey the traffic
signs. Shame on her, right?). The odd thing was, somehow our friend Google
Siri managed to keep track of us the entire way. We finally conquered the Dragon
and made our way into Townsend, Tennessee, for the night.
After we checked into the hotel we
backtracked just a bit to get a picture of a barn quilt that Chris
spotted. First one. It’s just a huge picture of a quilt painted
on the side of a barn. Eccentric
artistry. From there we stopped in at
the Beef Barn for some supper. The
waiter informed us that they had new owners – cattle ranchers – so everything
was fresh off the hoof. We ordered
pork. Truth is stranger than fiction,
folks. We did get a docent’s-eye view of
some underground ocean about an hour and a half away from here in the town of
Sweetwater. We’ll see. For now, tomorrow we face yet another beast named
Cade’s Cove.
Hotel Rating: At this point the Best
Western we are staying in owes me a few starfish.
1. The room we were given was not
cleaned yet. One of the beds had no
sheets and the blankets were still piled on the bed. They gave us a different room.
2. That new room didn’t have any in
room coffee. I took the coffee maker to
the front desk so she would have a visual aid.
3. She brought it back and explained to
me how it only made one cup at a time. I
told her that was fine, so where was the coffee? I had to go with her back to the front desk
to get some.
4. The sink had nifty little built-in
dispensers for soap and aloe vera lotion.
The bathtub had separate ones for body wash, shampoo, and
conditioner. The body wash in the
bathtub was empty. Totally dry. No hand soap available. Thank goodness Chris anticipates such faux
pas and packed some soap of our own.
They do have two cool rocking chairs
outside by every room. And we met some
folks from Texas (That was providence,
not the hotel). I still count
negative three at least, and I haven’t even been to breakfast. They owe me three starfish.
Psalms
31:19 says, “How great is your
goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in
the sight of men on those who take refuge in you.
Father, thank you for safety
through the mountain pass. And Texas
still needs your help. Amen.
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