September 15 – “Coffin”

Today was one of those days when I really had a need to go outside and do something that would cause me to sweat and would result in some kind of positive something.  I think it's one of those feelings that results naturally after being forced to spend twenty minutes or so inside a coffin.  At least that's what it seemed like.  I had to undergo another MRI today on my lower back.  There's nothing quite like the feeling of being trapped inside a coffin and hearing, well, that's another thing.  They are supposed to give you ear plugs or headphones or something to help drown out the noise.  I got the ear plugs this time, but they didn't drown out much.  It sounds like you are under a moving train for about four minutes, then it's deadly silent for a few before the next train arrives just behind your ear.  I think I kept dozing off in spite of all the noise.  I remember hallucinating about some crazy stuff, so I must have been dreaming.  It didn't help any that I had just come from the lab where they drew no less than seven vials of blood for every test known to man.    The point of the MRI is to verify that my back trouble is worse.  Several of the symptoms I'm having point to that – the sore, numb big toes top that list, followed, not surprisingly, by back pain.  The blood tests are for the whole new issue.  They are supposed to tell if I'm having some kind of auto immune difficulty.  Rheumatoid arthritis is at the top of that list, followed by some disease named after some Swedish guy.  Both of them are aggravated by stress.  Hmm.  Wonder if I have started anything in my life lately that would have increased my stress level.  School?  Nah, surely not.  Anyway, those symptoms also involve pain along with stiffness and aching and swelling in my joints.  The last few days my elbows were the worst spots.  Today we had a new winner.  My right wrist started hurting last night when I finally went to bed.  I couldn't find any position to hold my pencil that didn't hurt, so I got frustrated and quit my crossword puzzle.  Today it had a little knot that rose up right where the pain was.  The swelling and soreness in my fingers ran a close second.    We're supposed to hear from the neurologist later in the week.  Chris is even more sure that he'll want me to see a rheumatologist now.  I don't care any more.  We have met our deductible.  Well, Discover Card has met our deductible.   Well, back to the original thought.  I did work in the yard this afternoon.  We didn't get home in time for me to go back to the school.  Two of the school board members were there anyway.  I'll deal with all the major crises tomorrow.  But today I cleared the yard next door with the weedeater and then crawled around in our back yard pulling up weeds.  I asked Chris is doing stuff like that would make either of my "issues" worse.  She said it wouldn't.  I took that to mean it would still hurt when I got done but at least I can give it a try.  I keep thinking of the friend of ours – younger than us – who developed rheumatoid arthritis.  He went from a very active lifestyle – softball, basketball - to a guy who gets around OK on two celebrex a day.   Proverbs 13:12 says, "12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."   Father, forgive me for returning to my rants again.  But I need you.  Amen.

September 14 – “Back Yard”

I wasn't sure what to expect when I went to the school today.  I heard that Friday was a real behavioral nightmare when I was gone.  I guess I thought I would be inundated with everybody's take on what happened and why.  It was just the opposite, actually.  Everything was very calm.  Everybody seemed to be looking ahead instead of back.  I was glad.  Finally one of the kids heard me say that I would be gone tomorrow for some more tests.  She whipped her head around and said, "Oh, no.  It's going to be horrible again just like Friday."  I assured her that they could handle it, but she wasn't convinced.   I like the atmosphere of calm around the school.  But I don't like the idea that it is based on whether or not I am there.  I don't want anything about the school to be personality based.  In fact I want the kids to become known for being in control of their behavior even when no adult is around.  I know.  Be patient.   Chris started cleaning out the back yard today.  She pulled up weeds and ran the weedeater along the fence line.  She pulled up the dead vine that was covering the steps to the deck.  She even tried to cut up the fig tree that fell down after all the rain we have had.  She finally decided she would need the chainsaw for that project.  Anybody who saw it before can tell how much she did.  There is still a ton of work to do back there, though.  I think she wants to bring the dogs home.   Psalms 1:1-3 says, "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.  2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.   3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers."   Father, we're surrounded by trees falling and rotting.  We could use a good strong one around Galveston.  Come.  Amen.

September 13 – “The Fog”

Today I felt like what I imagine it must feel like to be A.D.D. and on medication for it.  I appreciate the relief from pain that the celebrex gives me.  But it feels like I'm inside some kind of very quiet room all by myself.  There is no music, no stimuli of any kind.  And everything seems to be moving in slow motion.  I know I have a lot of stuff to do, but none of the things on the list ever rises to top priority.  I feel really tired, but I don't particularly want to go to sleep.  Then it was all I could do to stay awake long enough to drive home after church.  I guess I can't wait until whenever it will be that we find out what's going on.  At least then there will be a reason for this fog.   This afternoon I tried to get the Seaside Christian Academy kids transcripts at least begun.  I want to interview each of them about where they want to head in life and how best we can get them prepared and moving in that direction.  But before I can do that, I need to know what courses they have had.  I'm glad there are only nine of them in high school right now.    Revelation 22:16 says, "I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."   Father, thank you for being bright.  I need bright right now.  Amen.

September 12 – “Swine Flu”

OK.  Our big Hallelujah Party is about to start, and I don't know when I'll get back to the computer.  We're going to set up the slide show of our damage.  So I just have one thing to say today.  Kel – my oldest son Kel – has the swine flu.  Confirmed this morning.  His doctor wanted to know what pigs he's been kissing.  Swine flu in Galveston.  And not just in Galveston.  Swine flu at the Vaughan's.  I told him when he feels better this will be a really cool thing.  He got to wear a face mask and everything.   Swine flu.  The name just trips off your lips, doesn't it?  Swine flu.  Wash your hands.   Mark 5:16-17 says, "Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man — and told about the pigs as well."   Father, heal Kel quickly.  Amen.

September 11 – “Rheuma-what?”

We left the house this morning around nine, and finally got back home a little before ten tonight.  That's a long day.   My appointment with the neurologist got things kicked off.  He did his normal exam, then I had to put on one of those great hospital gowns for a zapper test designed to see if any of my nerves are dead yet.  Those tiny little electrical jolts can hurt.  It wasn't as bad in my left leg as the right, but overall he said I didn't appear to have any neuropathy.  I thought that was a good thing until he said that basically meant that my back was probably getting worse.  I'm scheduled for an MRI on my back Tuesday.    He wasn't done yet.  Seems that the pain that started in my joints last month and got so bad right before the steroids may be rheumatoid in nature.  I really don't know what all is involved in that, but it sure didn't sound like a good thing.  When I go for the MRI Tuesday I also have to go to their lab and have a blood test.  If that shows what he expects, then I have to go see a rheumatologist.    In the meantime, he said I could take a celebrex twice a day.  By the time I got home tonight I was way past ready for one.  I hurt all over, but especially in the joints.   We got the church cleaned tonight.  It was the first cleaning after the first week of school, so it took quite a while.  The high school kids helped set up pews today, so that helped.  Speaking of the kids, I got word that they were pretty loud today.  Loud enough that the younger kids couldn't do their lessons.  It's my fault.  I didn't follow through on getting someone to be there while I was gone.  I'll have to see what we can do next week to make sure they have enough supervision.    We went to WalMart tonight, too.  We still had to get the food for our Hallelujah Party tomorrow.  We planned to grill burgers, but it's supposed to rain literally all day again tomorrow.  So we got a brisket instead.  Meat's meat.  We have had several friends say they would be here tomorrow.  A lot more have emailed back with regrets and encouragement.  However many come, we'll be happy.    Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will."   Father, I want to be like you, not, well, like me.  Amen.

September 10 – “coulda stood it”

Want to know what two things really made my day worthwhile today?  Getting to see Chris after school and Getting to play with Cailyn.  A beautiful wife and a laughing granddaughter.  If I could have thrown about four strapping grandsons into the mix, I don't know if I "coulda stood it."   Chris spent the night at the hospital with her Mom last night.  She might get to go home tomorrow.  I think it depends on the availability of the home health nurses she will need.    Nathan and April and Cailyn were over to do some more laundry.  Nathan had to go in to work for a few hours tonight, so April and Cailyn stayed for a long time.  I was actually working in the yard for a lot of that time.  We are trying to get ready for our one year after Ike, back in our house, Hallelujah Party coming up Saturday at four … come on over.  You're invited, too.  Anyway, I was trying to get the grass and weeds in the front yard to look a little better than the shaggy mass they were.  And all I had was a weedeater, too.  I barely got through the very front before it got too dark to continue.  Chris said it looks a lot better, but it's just one more frustrating thing right now.    Somehow tomorrow we have to straighten up the backyard at least a little bit.  And I don't know yet what all Chris has in her heart to have done before the first guest arrives Saturday.  She has been trying to refinish a chair and decide where to hang things.  The hall bathroom has its designated pictures already up and it look very nice.  Old Galveston theme.    Tomorrow morning I see the neurologist.  After those few days on steroids where I had no pain to speak of at all, it's depressing to wake up creaking and stiff and hurting again.  On the other hand I did sleep from eleven o'clock to four thirty last night.  That's the longest stretch since I started the steroids.  I do miss sleeping.    We had two students drop out of school today.  Sisters.  Their mom wants to homeschool the oldest one so she can get started more quickly on college.  We'll miss them.  They are smart girls.  The art teacher was there for the first time.  The kids were typically squirrelly.  He's going to have it tough, because they also see him as a neighbor.  I've decided we have to figure out some way to make art and personal training true electives and allow the students to do something else if they are not interested.  Plus, some of them don't need to be in the same class with a guy they can only see as a neighborhood friend.  They get nervous and giggly and no one gets anything done.  I wish there were three of me.  Or at least that there was someone who knew what they were doing as headmaster.  It hasn't even been a week and I feel overwhelmed again.  And tired.   Revelation 21:1-4 says, "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'"   Father, please keep your peace hovering over Seaside Christian Academy.  Amen.

September 9 – “A Twinge”

I started out this morning by talking to a mom at school.  She had read the student handbook and had some questions.  Then a teacher wanted to talk about helping a student get on a faster track in his studies so he wouldn't get bored.  The calm atmosphere was still there.  Two different students asked permission before they did something.  The "Upper Lower" teacher (older elementary and middle school) asked if her students could be in charge of putting together a school yearbook and newsletter.  One of her students' moms is a marketing major and has offered to help.  The English teacher was getting all set up to teach the students how to edit their own papers.  And two of the students had an appointment to take placement tests to get into dual credit courses at Galveston College.  The PE teacher / personal trainer wowed her class with tales of her weight lifting and their impending personalized exercise routines.  The calm atmosphere is still there, but it's mixed with a twinge of out and out excitement every now and then.   Talked to my neurologist's office this morning.  I laid out what has been going on, and now I have to go in for an appointment Friday morning.  They called in a prescription for a pain medication.  I'm not supposed to take any motrin or celebrex between now and then.  I guess that will get it all out of my system and I can start fresh.  On what, I don't know.  I have no idea what comes next.    Mom and I went to Luby's for supper.  The brother of a friend of hers came to our table and talked forever.  He talked about four different hurricanes as if he had been through them personally last week.  Even Mom got tired after awhile and asked if we could go.   Psalms 23 says, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."   Father, I just needed to hear that one again today.  Amen.