May 27 – “Never completely goes away”

We had another of those long days yesterday.  And as usual this one involved a trip into Texas – Houston, to be specific – for a doctor's appointment.  It was once again time for my check up with the rheumatoid arthritis doctor.  It's been four months.  Last time he tried to lower the dose of the anti-inflammatory, but it didn't take long to know that wasn't going to work.   I was hoping – again – that he would take me off the steroid.  It's such a small dose.  How could it be making a difference anyway?  The pain has honestly been under control.  There have most assuredly been flare-ups, but that's when I'm supposed to take the "House" drugs (that would be the same kind of pain-killer that Greg House is addicted to in the TV show).  I usually just tell myself that if I can make it until the next anti-inflammatory dose I'll be fine.     The doctor did his usual cursory examination while talking to us.  He talks a lot.  Very personable guy.  Likes the Astros.  He ordered blood work to see if my liver functions were holding up under the strain of the medications.  But he didn't change anything.  It finally hit me that for him, "not getting any worse" and "tolerable pain" are signs of success.  I'm not so good at this "maintenance as a goal" approach to health care.  It's frustrating to realize that some things are just not going to ever completely go away.    On the other hand, the thing I'm most concerned about now (well, the thing that has to do with my body and pain.  I'm not counting my concerns about Mom) is the tingling and numbness in my left arm and the dull ache in that arm and my back.  All are symptoms of another bulging disc in my neck.  And the tingling and numbness in my toes and ache in my lower back are symptoms of a bulging disc in my lower spine.  I know the ultimate result of that kind of pain will be surgery.  I'm not ready to go through that again.  But if I do have the surgeries I know it will get better.  A different result than with the arthritis.  So which is worse: maintaining tolerable pain or going through the rigors of surgery and ultimately getting pain relief?  I get both choices.  What great fun.    Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."   Father, thank you for being a "never completely goes away" option.  I choose you.  Amen.