Now
my Dad was always known as a quiet sort, and as I understand it, that wasn’t so
much the case in high school. He was,
after all, a cheerleader at Kirwin (Now O’Connell). Some of the colloquialisms he came out with
were the same as those from Mom’s family, but he had his own set of old sayings
that differed a bit from those Mom brought to the table. A few of them probably harkened back to those
wilder high school days. And maybe he
picked some of them up during his stint in the Coast Guard. Or maybe I never got to hear the ones he
picked up during that particular phase of his life. Probably best. Can’t be unduly influencing those
youngsters.
"he's
a quart low" – Dad was always
concerned about the oil level in our cars.
He would invariably wait until we were all packed and ready to leave,
and he would insist that we “pop the hood” and let him check the oil
level. Of course that was just the basis
for the comment, since it was used to indicate the intellectual capacity, or
lack thereof, of any individual who did something deemed a little off or
foolish.
"slick
as a whistle" – This one was said,
not so much just when something went well, but more when some sleight of hand or
trickery had been afoot that directly contributed to the success of the
endeavor.
"crazy
as a loon" – Dad shortened this one
to “looney,” as in “he belongs in the looney bin.” We did live on an Island, but I can’t say I ever
saw a duck doing anything particularly crazy looking. Now a pelican making a dive … maybe.
"low
man on the totem pole" – This one
was often a reference to the newest hire on the Houston Pilots boat my Dad
worked on. This poor guy had to do all
the worst chores, kind of like the rookies in the fire department.
"workin'
like a dog" – I personally never had
a dog that did much work of any kind, unless you include Queenie, our Boston
Terrier who could clamp down on a rubber inner tube from a bicycle tire and
hang on for dear life while she was swung around and around in circles until
her feet left the ground. Not work in
the truest sense of the word, I guess, but that couldn’t have been easy. Maybe this one comes from the sled dogs in
Alaska or something.
"ants
in your pants" – Now I heard this
one as a kid … a lot … because, well, I couldn’t sit still. I was always squirming around or moving in
some way or another. The imagery is a
vivid one. One that I am not interested
to undertake in real life. We have too
many fire ants on the Island.
"dead
as a doornail" – There’s that
classic one. In fact most of the time
what we heard was closer to “deader’n a doornail.” Still don’t get how a doornail is any more
dead than, say a window screw.
"filthy rich" and "dirt poor" – These always fascinated me. I
mean, think about it. Both ends of the
spectrum somehow always needed to take a bath.
Did that mean us lower middle class folks were the only clean ones in
town?
"take
a long walk off a short pier" – Now don’t
get me wrong on this one. I can honestly
say I never heard my Dad say anything like this in anger or bitterness toward
anyone else. When he did use it, it was
always in a situation of jesting, and always really funny when he said it.
"better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick" – Ouch.
And I remember always thinking the same thing … ouch. Probably never got past the imagined pain to
understanding the implications in the saying.
“Better than nothing” certainly worked better for communication to my warped
little brain. But once the stick in the
eye image came out, I was lost in my imagination, dreaming of what that might
feel like. How would it be different if
it was a sharp stick? Or perhaps just a
needle? Or maybe … well, you get the
idea.
And
now for my personal favorite of all time from my Dad. It comes from one of those weird memories
that for some reason became seared in my memory when I was quite young. I know I didn’t understand it at the time. In fact I remember having to ask Mom what it
meant. Didn’t get much of an answer from
her, as I recall. The story behind it
goes like this. We were on our way back
to Galveston from one of our journeys to Spring to see relatives. We stopped at that old famous drive-in restaurant
that used to be in Houston (sorry, I just can’t remember the name of it). It was one of those that would bring your
food on a tray that hooked onto your rolled-down car window. The waitress came over and took our order. And as she walked away, my Dad commented, “Look at the chassis (pronounced chassie, of
course) on that lassie.” Anybody
have any idea what he could have been talking about?
Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is
good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Father, thank you
again for memories and for the legacy of laughter from my Dad. Amen.
